CHICAGO (AP) — Three men who say they were sexually abused as children while incarcerated at Illinois juvenile detention centers came forward Tuesday as part of a lawsuit that chronicles decades of disturbing allegations of systemic child abuse.

Calvin McDowell, 37, who alleged he was abused by a chaplain at a suburban Chicago youth center as a teenager, said he didn’t want others suffering as he did for decades.

“Instead of being cared for, I felt more alone than ever,” McDowell said at a Chicago news conference. “I held my secret from the people I loved out of fear and embarrassment. I had nights where I wanted to give up on life.”

The Associated Press does not typically name people who say they were sexually assaulted unless they consent to being identified or decide to tell their stories publicly, as McDowell and two other men who are plaintiffs in the lawsuit have.